Make your own free website on Tripod.com
S E C J O K E S

Q : Do you know why Steve Spurrier wears a visor?
A : To cover up the circumcision scars!

Q : How many Gators does it take to tackle a Nebraska Cornhusker?
A: Good question, no one knows.

Q : How do you kill a Gator when he's drinking water?
A : Slam the toilet bowl lid on his head.

Q : How do you keep a Gator busy?
A : Write "PLEASE TURN OVER" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q : Did you hear about the Gator who bought an AM radio?
A : It took him two weeks to figure out that it worked at night.

Steve Spurrier looked over to his star player and said, "I know i'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math but we need you in there. How about i ask you a math question to prove you know your math so you can play?" The player agreed and the coach asked the following question, "Okay, what is 2+2?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4." Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Q : What's the difference between a Florida Gator and a catfish?
A : One's a slimy, smelly, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is just a fish.

Q : You know what the difference between Spurrier and God is?
A : God doesn't think he's Steve Spurrier!

A fellow walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Florida joke. "Listen buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both lineman on the Florida football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Florida. That guy in the corner was Florida's all-time champion weight lifter. And i lettered in 3 sports at Florida. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?" "Nah, guess not," the man replied, "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The Bartender tells the man that it is a nice looking dog and ask if he knows any tricks. The man says, "Yes" and tells the dog, "The Gators beat Tennessee today." The dog stands up on its hind legs and starts swaying back and forth while barking; "We are the boys from Old Florida." The Bartender says, "Hey, that is pretty good. What happens if you tell him Tennessee beat Florida???" The man replies, "I don't know, he is only 5 years old."

Q : Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A : 17 and under are not admitted.

Q : Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tennessee?
A : Everyone there has the same DNA.

Q : Why don't they serve ice water at Neyland stadium anymore?
A : The guy with the recipe died.

Q : Do you know why there aren't any Tennessee pharmacists?
A : They can't figure out how to get those little bottles in the typewriter.

Q : What's the difference between Tennessee men and UT coeds?
A : The men can spit further.

Q : How do you know the tooth brush was invented in Knoxville, Tennessee?
A : If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q : How do you know you're staying in a Knoxville hotel?
A : When you call the front desk and say, "I've got a leak in my sink" and the person at the desk says "go ahead".

Q : How is the Tennessee football team like a possum?
A : They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q : How can you tell a volunteer coyote?
A : He's chewed off three legs and he is still in the trap.

Actual News Item : A University of Tennessee athletic trainer who didn't appreciate being the butt of a prank by Peyton Manning reached a $300,000 settlement with the University on Friday. The incident happened during spring practice last year when Jamie Whited witnessed Manning flash his bare backside in a training room. Manning said he was joking around with a male track athlete and didn't intend for her to see. (from CBS Sportsline, 8/15/97)

Q : How do you come to own a small business in Tennessee?
A : Start a large business and put a UT grad in charge of it.

Q : What did the volunteer say when he caught his wife making love to his best friend?
A : Down Fido.

Q : What does the Tennessee football program and a sand castle have in common?
A : They both look real good, then the Tide rolls in!

Q : How do you know it's fall in Tennessee?
A : The leaves begin to fall about the same time as the UT football team!

Q : What do you get when you gather 32 Tennessee fans in a room?
A : A full set of teeth!

Q : Why is the turf in Neyland Stadium going to be torn up and replaced with cardboard?
A : Because the Volunteers always play better on paper!

Q : What do you call 107,000 Tennessee fans in Neyland Stadium?
A : A family reunion!

Q : Do you know why UT fans wear orange?
A : That way they can go straight from the deer stand, to the road crew, to the ball game and never have to change clothes.

A Georgian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The Georgia Fan noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls when i drive." "Boy," exclaimed the Georgia Fan, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"

Auburn and Georgia were playing a game at Georgia. With about two minutes left in the first half, Georgia had the ball with a first down. A Georgia fan sets some firecrackers off. Auburn, thinking it was halftime, ran off the field. Three plays later, Georgia punts.

In 1997 there were more attacks on people from Georgia Cheerleaders than from Bulldogs!

Q : What is the method of birth control on the Georgia campus?
A : Putting an X on the cows that kick!

Q : What does the average Georgia player get on his SAT?
A : Drool

A Georgia student was visiting a yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the tired line "Where do you go to school at?" The co-ed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammer or southern drawl but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Georgia student takes a big deep breath and says again, "WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL AT!?"

Two Auburn fans were riding to the game in a pick up truck when they saw two stranded Georgia fans, so they told them to hop in the back and they would give them a ride to the game. On the way the truck swerved and went into a lake. The two Auburn fans died because they could not open the door. The two Georgia fans died because they could not open the tailgate.

Did you hear that the Governor's Mansion in Arkansas burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park!

Q : What do you call 10 Seminoles holding hands in a circle?
A : A Dope Ring!

Q : How do you get a FSU graduate off your front doorstep?
A : Pay for the pizza!

Q : What's the difference between FSU and a bag of manure?
A : The bag!

Q : What does a seven course meal in Tallahassee consist of?
A : A six pack and a possum!

Q : What does a Seminole date consist of?
A : A six pack and a goat!

Q : What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead 'Nole in the middle of the road?
A : There are skid marks in front of the dog!

Q : Why are there no Nativity scenes on the FSU campus at Christmas?
A : Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin!

One day an Auburn fan happened by a group of FSU fans who were clapping, cheering and raising quite a fuss. When the Auburn fan asked what all the excitement was about, a FSU fan said, "We just finished this puzzle in 60 days!" "60 days!" the Auburn fan exclaimed. "That must have been some puzzle!" "You bet it was," said the FSU fan. "On the box it says 2 to 4 years!"

Q : Why should they replace the grass in Doak-Campbell Stadium with artificial turf?
A : So the cheerleaders will stop grazing!

Q : Why did it take two FSU graduates three hours to buy a new color TV?
A : They kept arguing over which color to get!

A FSU fan and a FSU football player went hunting. They came upon some tracks. The fan said, "Look at those deer tracks." The player said, "No, those look like bear tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A FSU graduate's wife just had a brand new set of twins. When the husband saw this he went crazy and ran out of the hospital with a scalpel, looking for the other man.

"A Visit From St. Bowden"

'Twas the 22nd of November, up in Gainesville
The whole Swamp was roaring, no one could sit still;

The Criminoles came in, all pompous and sassy
Planning to take a title back to old Tallacrappy;

Their taunting banners were hung with great care
Certain that St. Bowden would answer their prayer;

Chanting and chopping, wearing yellows and reds
While visions of national titles danced in their heads;

With Steve in his visor, and Bobby in his cap
The Gators and 'Noles hunkered down for a furious scrap;

When up from the Gators there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter!

My eyes glued to the field, I shed a brief tear
And a 'Nole sitting near me threw up in his beer;

For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But the BIG PLAY Gator offense...and Seminole fear!

With our coach in his visor, on the attack
I knew in a moment, OUR OFFENSE WAS BACK!

More rapid than eagles, QB's swapped in the game
He coached and he shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Brindise! Now, Johnson! Now, Brindise!" he screamed
"To Quezzie! To McGriff! To Taylor and Karim!"

The 'Noles title hopes vanished, I seem to recall
Began to dash away, dash away, dash away all!

A strong Gator O-line, finding its niche
Collins! Blackshear! Kalich, Pillar, and Ritch!

Fred Taylor was awesome, running swift, running hard
Scorched the 'Noles for four touchdowns, one for 61 yards!

The Gator defense was fierce, applying great pressure
Delivering sacks by George, Rutledge, and Chester!

The secondary covered tough, causing 'Nole hopes to drown
Huge plays by Weary, George, Williams, and Brown!

D-line and 'backers played mightily, closing up holes
Goal line stands for the ages, forcing field goals;

With a big run late, the 'Noles hoped to embarrass
But No Sir, we STOPPED 'em, THANK YOU, MIKE HARRIS!

'Noles led with two minutes, thought they'd make us eat crow
'Til Dougie hit Quezzie on a HUGE Curl-and-Go!

Fred Taylor's last run, and the 'Noles' season of promise
Was chomped into pieces, and picked off by Duane Thomas!

St. Bowden was crushed, and his big round belly
Shook when he cried, like a bowl full of jelly;

As the 'Noles fled the Swamp, it was SOOOOO sweet to hear
All of them crying, "Just wait 'til next year!"


Back to Alabama Jokes